It's all in your mind!

Living with mental health problems can be hard enough without our friends and families saying the wrong things.

My name is Irene. I am 62 years of age. I was diagnosed with cancer some years ago. I had it at least four times.

I had it on my arm - it started in the muscle, but then I had to have the bone scraped. I now have a scar from my elbow to my shoulder, and my arm was in a sling for a long time until I went to a physio. With that illness I got plenty of sympathy.

People helped me with carrying bags, washing my hair and many other things.

I also have another illness. I was diagnosed with bipolar or manic-depressive illness about four years ago.

It hasn’t left any scars that you can see, but in its own way the illness is just as frightening and has been just as difficult for my family as the cancer. My family didn’t know what was wrong with me, and so I got very little support and sympathy.

For me, the shocking truth was that it was easier to cope with the cancer.

I have a very close and loving family who stuck by me when my illness was making me impossible to live with. But like almost everyone else, when it comes to mental health problems they just never seemed to know the right things to say.

I did a little survey of visitors to BlueSCI, and asked what their friends and family had said to them when they began having mental health problems.

There were some typical comments that kept coming up again and again. “Pull yourself together” was the most common along with “snap out of it” or similar remarks. To which we can only reply, well we would if we could! If we could click our fingers and make it go away, don’t you think we would? Some of the other less-than-helpful comments we heard about included “you have no reason to be ill” and even “it’s all in your mind” (well, duh!) One person was told “you can’t be ill because you’ve got clean clothes, have done your nails, and you’re not rocking in a corner with egg down your top.”

Of course many friends and relatives of people with mental health problems are wonderfully supportive and helpful. Although it might be difficult to know the right things to say, some people do get it right. Words that are encouraging and uplifting can make a huge difference.

Examples of ‘the right thing to say’ that our survey uncovered included: “You are getting better,” “take it one step at a time,” and “I am proud you have come so far.”

If there is one change that could make a real difference to how people talk and think about mental health, it would be greater awareness and understanding of what these problems mean to people. With better education about these issues, nobody need be told that: “you’re useless, you should get up off your backside and work.”

With a lot of help, advice and support, I have overcome my cancer and have learned to cope with my bipolar. I thank God for every day I have, I also thank BlueSCI for helping me get my life back.


	Story	Irene Hawkswell
	Photos	David Hodgkinson

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